Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
