imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
