I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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