My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
