so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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