The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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