I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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