I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
