The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
