where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I need a burrito and a hug.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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