I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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