How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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