John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize