How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Someone came in the potted fern
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
