I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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