Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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