you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
