But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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