my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
