dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
