you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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