my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
