Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
