hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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