Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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