Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
