Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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