I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
