If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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