I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
