Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
