i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
