new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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