How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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