there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
