Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize