I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
