I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
