literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
