you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
