i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
