Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
