omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
