She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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