I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
