Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
