Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
