I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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