I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
