I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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