Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
