Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
