the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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