Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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