somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
