This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
