Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So much Jack, so little girl.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
