My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
