I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
