Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
