FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
