She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
