I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
