then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
