he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
