I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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