so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
