My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
