My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
