NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
