Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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