Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize