OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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