i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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