Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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