Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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